Does He Love Me or Not - The Big Question

Does he love me … Or does he not love me?

Every woman has wrestled with this question at some point. It starts when you're a little girl, when you write the first love note of your life and then spend days stuck on the most important question: "does he love me, or does he not care?"

For me, this embarrassing moment came when I was just 7 years old. Those were naive, childish feelings, where the strongest expressions of love were shoving and pulling hair.

Does he love me … Or does he love himself?

Years have passed since then, and you'd think you would have grown more mature and more logical. However, the issues keep piling up - complicated, and at the same time so everyday that you start doubting yourself. He didn't take out the trash - does he love me? He didn't put the toilet seat down - does he love himself? He wants to watch football for an entire evening - does he love me?

It went on like this until I had given up several important and genuinely lovely relationships in my life and had accused every ex of mine of thinking only of himself and his own comfort and leaving all the work to me. In truth, I was the one who loved herself and was unwilling to compromise or to pay attention to my partner's uniqueness.

Does he love me … Or does he love us?

Then HE came along - the right one. Just when I was a good 30 and feared I had chased every good man out of my life, there he stood. Not only was he handsome, he had such a perfect way about him that this time I really didn't know: does he love me? And if so, why should he? I, who had always considered myself flawless and had treated every boyfriend like a prince, felt for the first time in my life like a little schoolgirl being shown life and love by the perfect man. He could do that like no one before him. The toilet seat was never up, the trash can was always clean, a delicious dinner was prepared and the laundry basket was empty, all before I even managed to get home and pitch in with anything. Every evening he greeted me with his enchanting smile, asked about my day and spoiled me like no one before him.

With this man, I realized how pointless all my "does he love me" thoughts had been before. Because true love knows no selfishness, true love goes through fire, true love makes sacrifices and doesn't ask what needs to be done. This man didn't just love me. He loved us, our togetherness and our relationship, so he never had to ask "do you love me" while doing everything, but only said "I love you, all of this is simply a given".